White Collar Marriage: One Place Feather
Just as love and death are eternal themes of literature, marriage is always a heavy and fresh topic in society.
The desperate housewife TV series popular among urban white-collar workers said, “Every individual has a tiny secret in his heart.” It says that there is always a dark dust that is not easily detectable by individuals.
In fact, the same is true of marriage.
Many seemingly beautiful marriages also have these and other problems, and these inhumane reasons are the distress and confusion of many urbanites.
Hu Shenzhi, a consultant at the Guangzhou Sunflower Psychological Counseling Center, said that 70% of the cases that came for help were related to marriage and love.
And it is said that this is a universal ratio, as it is in Guangzhou, as well as in psychological counseling across the country and the world.
“Everywhere we go, marriage is our number one problem.
“Weekly reporter also did a small survey.
More than 20 married white-collar workers participated in the survey, and most said they were not too satisfied with the actual marriage, but they could survive it.
And what’s the biggest killer of marriage?
Everyone’s answers were varied: unable to communicate, betrayal of actions, aesthetic fatigue, indifference and selfishness, loss of responsibility . One white-collar response was quite interesting: “Too poor or too rich is not good for marriage.
Poor couples are miserable, too rich, and easily provoked.
Maintaining marriage requires modest poverty.
It won’t be too bad, but it can’t afford the cost of reorganizing the cabinet.
“The marriage of white-collar workers, people want to say that they are still off . Educational replacement, the more questions?
Psychological counseling case statistics, marriage and love problems are closely related to education.
It seems that there are educational backgrounds, and the more marriage and love problems.
Some scholars have pointed out that an important reason for this phenomenon is that people with higher education backgrounds pay more attention to their spiritual needs and pay more attention to their own mental health.
Intellectuals, especially intellectual women, have a high desire for love and a high expectation for marriage. They are more focused on pursuing the goal of their marriage life, and husbands and wives communicate with each other. When caring, the sense of depression and loneliness is stronger.
At the same time, as highly educated people face fierce competition in the workplace, many people have high work pressures and psychological stress.
At home are husband, father or wife, mother, professional in society, dual roles, double pressure, and these two roles often resist each other: the success of one role is often the role of the otherFailure comes at the cost.
Therefore, role conflicts and role tensions also lead to tension in marriage.
The female doctor Yuan Hao deeply felt this.
“I’m disappointed with marriage, and disappointment comes from overly longing for marriage.
There is always a gap between ideals and reality. Zhang Ailing said that we always read love novels before encountering love.
My understanding of marriage mainly comes from books.
Later, when I entered reality, I found that the marriage life was so trivial, and I was a person who attached great importance to my inner and spiritual feelings.
I hope the two sides have discussions, exchanges, and soul collisions. At first, me and Mr.
But through his work getting more and more busy, we spend less and less time talking together, which makes me feel ignored.
He asked me warmly, but rarely cared what I was thinking.
Over time I didn’t know what he was thinking.
There is more and more respect between us.
It looks beautiful, but it’s not what I want.
The reporter asked her, “Did you try to change this state?
She answered angrily, “Why should I change first instead of him?”
Yin Ping, deputy chief physician of the Psychological Clinic of Guangzhou First People’s Hospital, believes that marriage is dynamic and constant, and the key is that the subject of marriage must actively adjust and adapt to this change.
“It’s best for both parties to change simultaneously, but don’t always expect the other party to change without being indifferent.
It is always good for one party to change first, because it can gradually affect the other party.”Marriage: After learning and managing marriage problems, quarrels, cold war, violence, finding friends or organizations to complain, endure, avoid, and divorce are common solutions.
But the question is, can such a “solution” really solve the problem?
In some ways, some kind of violence, avoiding the problem, etc. have no substitute for the solution of the problem.
“The key to resolving problems in marriage is whether the two sides have dealt with the problem in a positive and interactive way.
“Hu Shenzhi said,” A negative approach to the problem will lead to the death of even the best marriage, and only a positive way can make the marriage better and better.
“There are many problems in marriage in the early stages of marriage, but because the couple rarely communicated or did not seek help in time to solve the problem, they ignored the existence of the problem. It was discovered that the problem was imminent after a few years.Lopsided.
What is a positive solution to the marriage problem?
Dr. Yin Ping believes that different periods will have different problems, so marriage needs learning and education.
Both husband and wife should also be good at adjusting and changing, and they should study hard with great efforts.
In his view, trust and tolerance are the most important bonds to maintain marriage.
Too many people find the best solution after a marriage problem is to talk to a friend. Finding a friend to talk can naturally vent their distress, but often friends’ positions are not completely objective.
Sometimes a friend ‘s idea may inadvertently worsen a bad marriage relationship.
As a result, there are extra white-collar workers who have chosen professional studies.
Marriage and family instructors have emerged as a social need.
According to statistics, there are about 600,000 marriage and family instructors in the United States, and an average of one marriage and family instructor per 500 people.
Currently, a training program for marriage and family instructors is also launched every year.
As the promoter and implementer of the plan, Mr. Hu Shenzhi said that dozens of people have participated in the study and training of the first marriage and family tutors in Guangzhou, which shows that those who are replacing marriage problems and actively seeking solutions have alreadymore and more.
Ms. Yang Zhenbao, an executive vice president of a company who is pursuing the qualifications of a marriage and family instructor, told reporters with a smile that she chose to read such a class teacher to understand and solve her marriage problems well, and she also hoped that she could pass the professionalLearning to help people around.
“With acceleration I feel like my marriage seems to be a problem, but what exactly is the problem?
I don’t know very well.
After listening to the teacher’s analysis and explanation of love and attachment in marriage, she set off.
Back home, I talked with my husband for a long time.
I found that many problems were not problems at all, it was just that I couldn’t look at the problems calmly and objectively in a certain set of thinking.
Now, through learning, I can at least know where my marriage problems are and try to solve them in a positive way.
During this time, my husband and I have re- tasted the sweetness of marriage.
White-collar marriage: What’s the problem?
”A marriage without problems does not exist. It is not terrible to have a problem. What is important is how to find and actively solve the problem.
“Dr. Yin Ping said.
If it is not resolved, the problems will accumulate over time, naturally leading to the destruction of marriage.
The main causes of divorce are affair, domestic violence, and sexual dysfunction.
”Why there are so many problems with marriage. I personally think that love is not equal to marriage. Marriage cannot be without love, but love alone is not enough.
“Ms. Zhang Hong, a divorced person, concludes,” After a few years of marriage, the romance and passion in love are gradually replaced by ordinary and trivial life. At the same time, the shortcomings and differences in value that the two sides had tried to cover up at the beginning will be exposed.
Fatigue stress is generated trivially. Tired people are tired and tired, and the marriage is thus in a state of solitude, so the problem comes.
The problems in marriage come from various aspects. Although some people often attribute marriage problems to incompatibility, the real incompatible personality does not constitute the majority, and most of them are caused by improper handling of life chores and mutual distrust.rupture.
For example, the stress caused by the stress of life, work, mortgage, car loan, pension, raising children and other stresses are everywhere. After stress, you will find life boring.
Because of fatigue, unsatisfactory work, etc., which directly or indirectly affect physiology, too many couples begin to decline in physiological requirements after a few years of marriage, and the response is cold. Many people do not know how to separate the unpleasant daytime from the intimacy at night.
Physiology is cold, and natural suspicion has also begun. This problem is particularly obvious in the body of women, especially middle-aged women. The hit TV drama “Chinese-style divorce” has shown the damage of suspicion to marriage in shockingly, manyPeople admit that they usually deal with marital relationships in the same way, but they don’t think it is wrong. It is only when they watch TV or other people’s stories as an outsider that they realize how serious the consequences are.
“Therefore, it is very useful to be able to look outside the box and analyze the problem from a rational perspective.
That’s why people are willing to ask a psychologist.
Psychiatrist Wang Hua article. In addition, housework is often the trigger for couples’ quarrels.
Ms. Chen Yan, who has worked as a community counselling volunteer in the community, said, “Don’t underestimate housework. Housework is a long and arduous battle. It is not as simple as a part-time job.
White-collar couples are very busy now, and no one is less stressed than anyone else.
男的忙回来看着女人没有收拾家或者没有管孩子，往往就会生出‘这哪像个女人’的愤怒，而女人照样很委屈，‘我挣的钱不比你少，工作不比你轻闲，凭What housework should I do?
‘As a result, friction is naturally prone to occur.
“There are still many people who think of affair as the number one killer of marriage.
It is thought that an affair caused a problem or even a break in the marriage. However, the thing will self-rot and then worm.
First, it is the tiredness of marriage that has the desire to change and even destroy and regenerate.
Marriage experts believe that the third party is not the essential cause of the marriage crisis, it is only the ultimate result of the breakdown of the relationship.